Wednesday, 8 September 2010

The substitute for smoking is…smoking

In real life, I've been joking around about smoking and nicotine lately, especially since I've watched Jeremy Clarkson review the Koenigsegg CCX on Top Gear.  All joking aside, I do not recommend that anyone actually smoke, since it makes life hell for you and people around you.  But why is this blog post such a paradox upon itself?

The main point of smoking is to ingest nicotine, mainly for its psychological effects.  Over time, a smoker will get addicted to smoking, not just to smoke, but for the nicotine.  When this smoker eventually decides to quit, he simply cannot go it alone due to the main nicotine addiction.  The solution: use pills or patches.  Guess what they contain.  Half of the time, prospective quitters start smoking again within six months.  Now, this paragraph forms the basis of this post title: the substitute for smoking is nicotine.  The substitute for nicotine is smoking.  Therefore, based on rather simple mathematical logic, the substitute for smoking is smoking.

That last sentence would be perfectly descriptive if the context was not to be screwed with in this paragraph.  Especially when you do not know for sure what kind of smoking this post is discussing.  So when I said that the substitute for smoking is smoking, was the context supposed to be nicotine, food or tyres?  I'll let the readers decide while I enjoy some smoked ribs.
Absolutely scrumptious
Unlike smoking for nicotine, smoke these often, but not too often.  Like with all foods that don't carry psychological effects (most fast food joints carry those…), you will get sick of these if you eat these too often.  And while you wait for your meat to cook, I'm going to do some doughnuts on some tarmac.
The ultimate smoker: Chevrolet Corvette C6
You can smoke the tyres of a Corvette much easier than a Koenigsegg.  It's all about putting too much torque on one axle and disabling traction control.  Oh, and painting this and other high-performance cars green to outsmart the fake environmentalists.  By that time, the conversation can go something along these lines:
Fake environmentalist: So, are your cars green?
Owner of multiple green-coloured cars: Yes! Very!